Why I haven't blogged

It has been very hard lately having to deal with this mess. People keep telling me, it's okay God has something out there for you, but to be honest it has been so hard having to trust in Him. I know that I should know better and that God does really have something out there for me, but it is so scary what has taken place. I would have never imagined myself in this position. I guess that is why God has me here for the moment. Because I would have never had to rely on Him completely. It is one thing if it was only Josh and I, but because we are bringing another little one into this, I want to be able to give this baby everthing he needs to live and be happy. Josh has been handling my situation pretty good for the most part. He has had to be strong for both of us when I have been weak. Yes, I have been weak. I have done plenty of crying. I don't think I have cried this much in a long time. While all my emotions have been stirring, I think that little Caleb knows that I am going through something because he has been moving quite often. It makes me smile when I look down and see and feel that he is in there kicking and squirming. I just hope it doesn't upset him either. Every day gets a little easier to accept this but every day it gets closer to the closing date of my job and I don't have another one lined up yet. Who would want to hire a 5 1/2 months pregnant woman? I just don't know. I have sent out about 10 resumes. I had an interview yesterday with one of them. I guess it went okay, but the whole time I was nervous that they were going to ask if I was pregnant. I'm sure if I went to a grocery store or Walmart I could get a job, but I need something with benefits and something that is going to be flexible with Josh's job and the church. I know now exactly how some people in this world feel. Josh and I were laying on our bed last night just talking and I started to get teary eyed again and told him that I loved our bed. He looked at me with a funny face. I said that I would have never appreciated the things that we have as much as I do now. Our bed is really comfortable. Anyways, I look around and now I thank God for what we have. I am not looking around and wishing I had more. Although, don't get me wrong, I am a girl and would love so much more, but I understand the circumstances. Well, I guess I could go on and on about this subject but there is no sense of sulking over it. I just need to have faith and trust that God will take care of us (all 3 of us).

On a better note, Josh finally felt the baby kick. I have been telling him for a couple of weeks now that I have been feeling the baby, but he couldn't feel him. We were laying in bed the other night watching a movie (scary) and I guess the baby could hear or maybe he was trying to get comfortable, but all of sudden he just started throwing himself around in there. I told Josh to give me his hand. Josh didn't know at first what he was feeling for but then finally he looked over at me and said was that one? I was like yeah! You felt it? He had a big smile on his face and then started calling his name. Caleb, Caleb, Caleb? It was really cute. That always brings a smile out. Well, I am still here at work, so I do need to get back to it, but I will try to bring myself to update again more often. I hope all is well out there with all of you.