Mama

 

Happy May 18th. Lol. I woke up today not feeling the best in spirit just cause life gets you down sometimes you know?  My heart felt a weight that just doesn’t ever seem to go away but sometimes it hits me at the weirdest and odd times. Grief.  Most know but some don’t, I lost my mom when I was 29 years old. So young. I’m 40 now!  I look back and think my goodness I was just becoming a woman, a mom, a wife, etc.  I was just becoming me and she moved to her eternity. I feel as though I missed out on so many more years of training.  K. Fast forward to today. I had a heavy feeling in my spirit for some crazy reason (Holy spirit moment) this morning for the people in New Zealand.  I mean I pray everyday for those I haven’t met yet in New Zealand but to be honest it’s hard to pray sometimes for something you don’t really know about or how to pray for until you actually find out the intimate needs and live surrounded by a community. My heart still feels the burden to get there. I was praying for the unborn children that I haven’t met yet. (New Zealanders) I was praying for myself that I can be the mama to those students and people that I never had for myself. It’s been hard not having that close mom figure in my life but I know that God can and will always fill that void if we allow Him to use us.  God knows even before we do what we need, how He is going to communicate it to us, and that He loves us so very much and He hasn’t forgotten about us. He just sometimes uses angels to do it. As soon as I got home from running some errands I walked up on a package from Amazon. I thought “oh man, I didn’t order anything I wonder if charlee did by accident again”.  She has done that before. Lol. Thank goodness nothing expensive. Ha. So I opened it and it was this super cute shirt with the big letters MAMA on it!  What?!  God seriously!  But there was nothing inside the package other than the shirt. So my first go to was check my Amazon account (which by the way New Zealand doesn’t have Amazon lol). Nope didn’t order it. So then I almost posted a pic on social media to see if anyone would fess you to sending me it but then nope I knew it!  My dear sister/friend Abby!  I texted her and low and behold yup she just said she remembered I liked hers several months back and she thought about it yesterday and just got it sent to me. Dear Lord!  I’m telling y’all the Holy Spirit knows!  His timing is so perfect!  In every way. 🥹🥲😭♥️ I started balling texting her and then just thanked God for His wonders. If you are down in spirit thinking that you are not being seen or heard just know He knows your heart and He loves you.  He used a sweet friend and a tshirt to confirm that what we are doing and growing through is not going unnoticed. It is being noticed by the only eyes that matter the most. His. (And I think my momma peels through heaven too lol.) The end.