Mama

 

Happy May 18th. Lol. I woke up today not feeling the best in spirit just cause life gets you down sometimes you know?  My heart felt a weight that just doesn’t ever seem to go away but sometimes it hits me at the weirdest and odd times. Grief.  Most know but some don’t, I lost my mom when I was 29 years old. So young. I’m 40 now!  I look back and think my goodness I was just becoming a woman, a mom, a wife, etc.  I was just becoming me and she moved to her eternity. I feel as though I missed out on so many more years of training.  K. Fast forward to today. I had a heavy feeling in my spirit for some crazy reason (Holy spirit moment) this morning for the people in New Zealand.  I mean I pray everyday for those I haven’t met yet in New Zealand but to be honest it’s hard to pray sometimes for something you don’t really know about or how to pray for until you actually find out the intimate needs and live surrounded by a community. My heart still feels the burden to get there. I was praying for the unborn children that I haven’t met yet. (New Zealanders) I was praying for myself that I can be the mama to those students and people that I never had for myself. It’s been hard not having that close mom figure in my life but I know that God can and will always fill that void if we allow Him to use us.  God knows even before we do what we need, how He is going to communicate it to us, and that He loves us so very much and He hasn’t forgotten about us. He just sometimes uses angels to do it. As soon as I got home from running some errands I walked up on a package from Amazon. I thought “oh man, I didn’t order anything I wonder if charlee did by accident again”.  She has done that before. Lol. Thank goodness nothing expensive. Ha. So I opened it and it was this super cute shirt with the big letters MAMA on it!  What?!  God seriously!  But there was nothing inside the package other than the shirt. So my first go to was check my Amazon account (which by the way New Zealand doesn’t have Amazon lol). Nope didn’t order it. So then I almost posted a pic on social media to see if anyone would fess you to sending me it but then nope I knew it!  My dear sister/friend Abby!  I texted her and low and behold yup she just said she remembered I liked hers several months back and she thought about it yesterday and just got it sent to me. Dear Lord!  I’m telling y’all the Holy Spirit knows!  His timing is so perfect!  In every way. 🥹🥲😭♥️ I started balling texting her and then just thanked God for His wonders. If you are down in spirit thinking that you are not being seen or heard just know He knows your heart and He loves you.  He used a sweet friend and a tshirt to confirm that what we are doing and growing through is not going unnoticed. It is being noticed by the only eyes that matter the most. His. (And I think my momma peels through heaven too lol.) The end. 

District Council 2022

Pulled a book from the shelves of the amazing Gateway library and this was on the back.  

I love this quote. 

The in-laws and new Assistant Superintendents of South Texas!

Pastor Doug and Janet

(Our first church that we worked at as a married couple)

My Didi bug

sneaking a pic

Sneaky sneaky

Jay Mooney bringing a great word!

My sweet momma friend Katrina

Need to get my hands on this book

Best idea ever!  Built right into their concrete floor.  Love it. 

My sweet sister/friend Autumn

Love how God works!  God knows I needed a sweet sister/friend like her.

Love this 

My bubbas

(we use to bring Caleb to this movie theater when we lived here and he was 2 years old)

San Antonio Zoo and the Lory feedings

Bear and I having fun on the Carousel 

Daddy and Bubby

Bub and Didi

The littles

Our little airbnb

It's been a busy last couple of weeks.  Wait...last couple of weeks?  lol. more like just going going going all the time.  There is no routine anymore with this family except praying. ha. We are going every which way but in a good way!  Itinerating has definitely become a faith building process and it has stretched us in areas we didn't think even could be stretched, BUT GOD!  We know we are called to go to the nations and we know that GOD is the GOD of the impossible and will make it happen!  Our goals may be big but our God is bigger!  

We had a blast at District council and made so many great connections both for support but more importantly friendships within the kingdom of God!  I just love how the Holy Spirit orchestrates everything when we let go and let Him do the rest. We seriously had so many God divine appointments made that were so organically formed that we are still praising Him about.  

 New Zealand is calling us!  We hear it!  We can't wait to get there!  We will go!  God Send Us!  We are ready!

Pieces of my heart ♥️

 Pieces of my heart ♥️ 

(I have not wanted to be vulnerable in awhile mainly because I’ve wrestled with thoughts in my head from hurt but here it is)

I have such an urgency in my heart to throw away, get rid of, pitch almost everything these days. Nesting stage.  I just want to fly. I just want the weight of “things” to be lifted so when it’s time for us to leave that we can just run to the finish line.  Our finish line in this very moment (because we all know things change, goals changes, moments change, etc) is to be fully funded so we can head out to New Zealand. It feels like the longest pregnancy ever in my life. Lol. 😂😵‍💫😣😬🤦🏼‍♀️🎉 All the emotions. I’d like to use the analogy of running a marathon verses a sprint but honestly I can’t say I know what that feels like. I did track 1 year in high school and I thought “this is for the birds!”  I enjoyed cheering more than running around a circle on a track. Ha. Just me though.  High five to all the runners out there. I’ll be your cheerleader for now. 

What I can relate to is pregnancy. 😉 I loved moments of the pregnancies. Not everything about it though that’s for sure.  I loved the announcements. I loved to be able to share with the world that we were going to receive a blessing in our life.  I loved  the middle of the pregnancy. I loved when I could actually look “cute” for a bit and show a round belly.  The beginning part of the pregnancy I always just felt sick and bloated so when I finally got to a cuter stage I was like “oh yeah!”  Then the end.  😣🙄 It felt like FOREVER til the due date or anywhere near it. On every pregnancy it felt like forever!  

 

So how am I relating this to our journey now you ask?  Lol. I was getting there. 

Announcing it was fun!  After the announcement Covid. So not fun for anyone.  Then the middle to end.  We are more around the 7 month prenatal stage right now. We can feel the Braxton Hicks. We can feel our surroundings more and more getting ready to labor. We feel good but it’s starting to feel like we are ready to prepare for the baby. Prepare for the departure.  Prepare for the blessing. Prepare for the work in New Zealand. Because just like pregnancy it’s not over when you have that baby. It’s only just beginning.  

We are so thankful for our support team. YOU! (And we need more of you too! 😉)  There have been some dark and lonely days but we feel that God is allowing us to walk in these moments so that when we get to our field we will crave the urgency for yet another pregnancy. (Not a physical one!) For a community. For the hearts of New Zealand to hear the name of Jesus and not just dismiss Him.  For relationships to be made.  For a place the community can come and live life together without judgment or surface level friendships.  For a place they can dive in deep to His love.  For a place to feel accepted. For a place to walk with Jesus.  For a place to truly know the word of God.  For a place where all is loved.  

Love and blessings to all, 

Alicia Joy 

“Beyond the beauty; Into the community”

#Allardaroundtheworldadventures 

Treasures

 

Matthew 6:21 "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

 

This last visit to New Jersey was great and good for the soul once again.  There is something about going back to the place where my childhood was created.  I am blessed enough to be able to still walk into the same home that I was brought home from the hospital in.  Although my beautiful momma isn't there to hug me with open arms my Dad still is.  💛

We relived many great memories together like going to Country Kitchen and eating pork roll sandwiches, to waiting for the bridge to go up and then down on ocean ave from Belmar to Avon, driving all along the Jersey shore beaches, seeing my old place of employment (The Breakers), eating Lobster at one of my fav restaurants, visiting with my sister and her family, and then visiting churches.  Not just visiting them because we were visitors but we were itinerating as missionaries there.  I never in my wildest dreams would have thought that I would ever go back to my home town to do that.  I had always thought that missions was going to be apart of my life but I didn't ever really know if it was ever going to be my full time focus.  😅 

Carry on...

So in my down time my dad asked me to help him go through more things in the house.  Things that have just not been touched or messed with in the last 10 years now that mom has been gone.  This is always a hard task.  It just hurts my heart and makes me sad that she isn't here.  Here to experience life with my kids, me, all of it.  She would have been the BEST grandma ever!  Period.  AHHHHHHH!!!!  k.  no going back.  Sorry.  Just have to get feelings out sometimes.  Anywho...I went through some more closets and got rid of some more stuff.  yup. stuff.  stuff that was hers.  Clothes.  Belts.  Shoes.  ETC.  Things that are just hard to get rid of sometimes.  But I did it.  💔

In the middle of going through some more I found some more treasures.  Yes.  These are treasures to me.  Every year.  Every anniversary of her death.  Every birthday.  Every holiday.  You name it. Every normal day lol.  I look for pictures.  I look for "new" pictures of her in it and its been slim pickings in my house for awhile now.  BUT I found "NEW" ones!!!!!  Like my heart leaped for JOY!  My middle name.  😉

So here are some new ones.  

I will give you a little back story on these.  This is a picture of my mom holding me in the "gold" chair.  The squeaky old "gold" chair.  It rocked and it squeaked but it was the safest place for me.  She would come home from a late night at the salon (hairdressers know what I am talking about crazy hours!!!) and sometimes pull me out of bed to rock me back to sleep just to get a moment with me.  Sometimes I'd be waiting up for her just so I could get a moment with her.  (She worked her tail off for us!)  As crazy as it sounds not lying even up until I moved out to get married and it came with me, if I was having a bad moment I would jump in that chair with her and feel the safest.  She would tell me everything was gonna be alright.  She would pray over me in that chair.  She would make jokes with me in that chair.  We shared life together in that chair. Lol. It moved from that chair to the red chairs.  Ha.  I will share that later sometime.  Ok.  Seriously, when I look at the whole picture it wasn't the "chair" that made it but it was the relationship built in those moments.  The chair just happened to be the on looker.  I guess. So. Fast Forward.  The chair moved with me.  Ha.  

When I was getting married and moved out I told my mom I had to have that chair so I could have it to rock my babies in and make memories with them in it too.      

Josh had the chair recovered for one of my birthdays because he knew how much I cherished it and I didn't want it to keep falling apart and aging.  This is the chair now.  It's beautiful.  It still squeaks but that is because Josh asked specifically that when they redid the chair that they didn't mess with anything else except for the upholstery.  The squeak makes it.  😌

So my God moment in all of this... (cause that's in all of it right?)

I asked myself the question...if I had to give up "the chair" would I?  Yikes.  That would be a really hard thought out yes (biting my tongue, gritting my teeth, shoulders tight, super stressed yes lol).  I would if I had to only because I know its not about "the chair" that gave me all the feel good feelings and rescued me from some really deep dark moments in my life, but its about the moments that were spent with my mom in that chair and since she ain't coming back to sit with me in it, it really isn't that worthy.  I will say that I won't give it up easy and I will try to keep it but I am just working through my feelings and knowing that it's not the chair but its all the moments shared in "it" instead.  The pictures are a treasure also!  I was so excited to find these treasures and being able to "see" the memories again that I had in my heart in front of me made me feel the joy and pain all over again.  I feel them.  I have them show up every once in awhile but then to actually have a picture to go with them is honestly indescribable.  

So I'll state the scripture verse again...

Matthew 6:21 "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

Where are you in this? Do you hold onto things?  Too many things?  Not enough things?  Do you build up something into something bigger than it should be?  Do you treasure moments?  Are your treasures in heaven?

   

I love how Jesus tells us “Store up treasures in heaven where moth and rust will not destroy.” 

Basically saying the things of this world will get messed up or ruined but if you “treasure” what you can take to heaven with you, you will be able to keep it forever. That helps my heart a lot. So with that in mind…I will treasure my relationships. I will treasure those that I will be able to see again one day and make beautiful moments and memories in the meantime. 

Alicia Joy